Inevitably, in our lifetime we will always lose someone we love, my first death in our family of a close relative was my Nan. November 9th 2023 I had a call that I was so unprepared for, I knew in my heart that it was time and if I didn't get there I would never see my nan again.
Let's take it back a little....September 2023 my nan was diagnosed with lung cancer, she was told there was nothing they could do for her and they couldn't tell her how long she had left. At the time I thought she would outlive us all, the words were spoken to us but nothing prepares you for the day. She hadn't been well for years but she was such a strong believer in God that she would get through anything. She was so dedicated to God, all the time she would lean on him and get his strength from him. The prayers and conversations we had were amazing, we would learn so much from each other. We always spoke about death since I was little, she would tell me, "I know where I am going so don't be sad when I go". Towards the end, she said how blessed she was for her family and friends around her and everything she had for she had never gone without.
The week she went home to the Lord, she took a turn for the worse, I saw her on Tuesday and Wednesday and I knew she hadn't gotten long, the day of her passing God even showed me the angels preparing her in her bed ready. When I had the call from my aunty my heart sank and tears rolled down my face, I couldn't bear to think of life without her even though I knew where she was going. Me and my family got there, my mom, aunty and uncle were already with her and her best friend of 70 years. She was nearly gone. She held her hand out and she could hear us, I was so grateful we got there in time. I knelt down and hugged her, my heart breaking, and said "It's ok now Nan, we are all here, if you want to go, go". She took her last breath and returned home with the Lord. I let out the biggest cry, a cry I will never forget and have never felt before. My best friend had left to be with God, it was her time but it did not make it any easier. I miss her so much, I cry thinking about her, I just want one more day with her. To hear her voice, to listen to her laugh, for her to tell me off, for her to just be NAN.
I can't explain it but I am so thankful for God's peace, I felt so much joy when she had gone home and was finally at peace. Now my nan had always had green eyes but when she passed away her eyes turned blue and her skin turned cold. The saying that your eyes are to the soul is true, Nan had always said the body is just a vessel while we are on the earth and that when we die our spirit returns to God. God showed me that when we are born we have blue eyes until the soul is formed and our eyes change colour, scientifically I think they say babies eyes change colour in the first year they are born, I had blue eyes until I turned 2 years old and then they started to go green. When we die the soul and spirit is no longer in the body so our eye colour turns back to blue. Mad isn't it!?
There is nothing that can comfort you apart from God when you lose someone you love. It's been a couple of months and I have bad days and good days, I'm still grieving, I will never forget my nan, I still go to phone her and pick things she would like. Not long after her celebration of life (for those who don't know what that it is its her funeral) I was in the supermarket and saw a frozen bag of vegetables and burst into tears. Yup right in the middle of the freezer aisle I broke down because that was what she would have with meals, I sobbed and then started to laugh. Og is so good. His love and strength provided all I needed for that moment and still to this day. It's been a hard road but I have so much peace knowing that she is with God.
God has confirmed this with visions from others and I know she is out of pain and at peace. One day we will meet again. I look back at all her teachings and sayings and the memories we shared. The good will always outweigh the bad and I have been so blessed to have shared a life with a woman so strong, so humble and who always put God first. I will always look up to my nan, she was my role model, and the one who introduced me to Christ, fashion, baking, music, dancing and just being me. I listen to the songs she wanted played at her funeral and they are dedicated to God showing how she was such a servant of the Lord and still will be now.
I LOVE YOU NAN FOREVER AND ALWAYS UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.
If any of you are suffering a loss of a loved one I encourage you to seek God and spend some time with him.
I pray that God will comfort you in a blanket of peace and love and hold you so dearly that you will know his presence surrounding you.
Know that it is ok to have bad days that is when we need to press into God more and more, put on our favorite worship music, and sing to the lord your worries just like David did.
𝗜𝗻 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗠𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗳
𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗘𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝗯𝗲𝘁𝗵 𝗦𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗵𝗮𝗻
𝗙𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗳𝘂𝗹 & 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗮𝗻𝘁
𝗗𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻
𝟮𝟯-𝟭𝟭-𝟰𝟯 𝘁𝗼 𝟬𝟵-𝟭𝟭-𝟮𝟯
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